To be broken

OK... this is a story that starts when I first entered high school... I was a 13 teen year old bisexual girl who was happy and joyous all the time. One day I met this amazing girl who, I have to admit... id fallen in love with... she was beautiful... brown eyes, long brown hair down to her butt, amazing smile, (for this story ill call her "Kate")

So on that day I decided to become friends with her. A couple weeks later I had never felt so in love and hypnotized by this one girl so I asked (at the time I did know if she was gay or bi ) "w-will you go out with me?" She stared at me and laughed before saying "we should be wifeys" (of course that's what she said... in other words "no!")

Weeks had past and she started teasing me... she said she loved me but every time I asked if she would go out with me... she would laugh. She would hold my hand and I would go along with it because I loved her, and if I had to pretend to be a friend, it was better than nothing. About a year after being "friends" with her she started to date this guy... and she would go up to me and say "Jess (<-- my name) don't you think _______ and I are amazing together" that was fine but after that she said "I think that _______ and I are a better couple than you and I would ever be"... that's when I snapped... she was taunting me... so I yelled at her and didn't talk to her for ages...

 The only reason I talk to her again is because she started cutting herself and showing it to me and saying "look what your doing to me". So I forgave her and became her slave once more. OK, fast forward to the next year, I started dating a girl named jorja (One of the girl's friends) we lasted a week (we didn't have many things in common) anyway... later that week "Kate" invited me to her house, I said yes. (Fast forward to the weekend)

We went shopping together and in the car "Kate" stole my iPod and gave it back to me.... on the screen... was my dream... "Will you go out with me???" "Kate" had written it in bold... being a year and a half of me waiting, crying, asking, she final was my lover. (I swear I nearly cried when I saw the message)... she kissed me.... she hugged me.... I thought she loved me.... but I was wrong.. she broke up with me 2 days later

She just walked up to me and said "I don't think I'm bisexual... so I don't want to date anymore" then she turned around and walked away... my heart broke and I cried for so so long hoping, praying that it was a dream... but it was cruel "Kate" .... after that she still played with my feelings stepped on my heart

On this current day I don't talk to "Kate" because my friend died of a brain tumor... she said "well my TV show is more important so shut up" then behind my back she texted my friend saying " she's such a f##king b#tch, I hope she dies in a hole".... I just needed to get that off my chest... I've never regretted something so much in my life... but I'm a f#@king idiot... because I still secretly love her...

Photo by Eric Ward on Unsplash